Being A Good Partner

By the time I moved to BETA Academy, there were only 3 of us regulars left at my old academy. We all made the move together to BETA, but only two of us have been able to regularly take class together, due to work schedules. It’s been wonderful to have somebody I already know training with me at a new academy. I’m painfully shy, and the idea of getting to know 20+ new people all at once was very intimidating. Having that familiar face around really made the difference. I think without her there, I would have quit jiu jitsu – I’m just that painfully shy, and on top of that…

I’m by far and away the heaviest of the girls training at BETA. I’m also very short. This makes me a difficult training partner in the best of circumstances. I don’t know what I would have done without my ‘old’ training partner there to keep working with me. She’s been training with me from day one, and she is incredibly fit – she can actually muscle my weight around.  She is patient with how out of shape I am, and is never anything but encouraging.  I always learn something new when I’m working with her, and I always push myself a little bit harder to keep up. I try to give good feedback as we drill, like saying that the pressure isn’t painful enough (heh), or that it feels like if I do ‘this move’ I could escape… I’m only a white belt and I don’t know much, but I do want to help her. Despite that,  I spend a lot of time worrying that I’m holding her back when she keeps using me as a drilling partner instead of one of the lighter, quicker girls. I may be benefiting, but I worry she is not.

Last night after class, as we drove back home my training partner told me that she is very happy to be my training partner. I was actually floored – here I was thinking I was a nuisance to her, and she was happy to keep working with me. It really meant a lot to me to hear that. It makes me want to work harder, too, to be the best training partner I can be for her so that as we both progress we can keep training together.

Have you told your training partners how happy you are to work with them lately?

I Miss Jiu Jitsu

I haven’t had a lot to say on my blog lately because I feel sort of adrift in my BJJ life. After our main coach left we’ve been sort of casting around for a new coach. The owner just has too much to do to run 4 classes a week for us BJJ ladies, even though she has been trying hard. So far we’ve had a Kung Fu instructor help run class, a guest brown belt coach (the amazing Rachel Demara!!), and a Judo instructor. Mostly of late we have been doing Judo instead of Jiu Jitsu. Which… I know it will help my stand-up game, but I don’t really like Judo that much. Something about crashing my heavy overweight body into the ground repeatedly just doesn’t appeal (especially with no crash pads!). So I’ve really lost a lot of motivation to go to class since I know I won’t be getting the BJJ that I crave. Hopefully if I stick it out we’ll get back to the sport that I love, but in the meantime I just don’t have a ton to say.

On Being (Un)Comfortable

I’m approaching 2 years of learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and in that time I can certainly say that I’ve become a lot more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I’ve gained far more familiarity with my training partners’ bodies than I have with just about anyone else, including my boyfriend. My head and face have been squeezed, scraped, shoved and generally mauled about and found themselves in all kinds of body cavities. I’ve spent endless hours doing drills that require reaching between legs or driving body parts in between legs with the sole purpose of discomfort and immobilization. I’ve been on the receiving end of those same drills. My chest and ribs have been crushed in every direction. I’ve learned to grin and bear it when someone is grinding an elbow or a knee bone into a joint or other sweet spot. In short, I’m used to being uncomfortable, if not downright sore.

But here also lies my problem. As okay as I am with my training partners using me as a training dummy, I’m not okay with doing the same in return. I am always, always conscious of my larger weight, and will avoid using it to the detriment of my own training. Knee on belly drill? Ok, but I’ll keep all my weight on my planted leg so that I don’t crush a rib cage.  Guard passing with knee on knee? I’ll hold my weight backwards and into my toes instead of driving forward onto their knee. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even hold mount correctly, because I’m afraid of hurting someone.

When I train with my partners I trust them not to intentionally hurt me, and I know they trust the same. And I’m willing to take some extra pain for their opportunity to learn to do it right. But I can’t bring myself to expect the same from them, because of our weight disparities. We have a few irregular training partners that are closer to my size, and I am better at training properly with them, but even then my coach calls me out on not doing it right enough. But how am I supposed to go at it when a ~200 pound guy winces when I finally put that knee full-weight on theirs? If it hurts him so much, what am I doing to the ~120 pound female training partner?

I have to figure this out, or my jiu jitsu will continue to suffer because I don’t commit and properly drill the forms.